I’m at the beach, but not. We are staying at an RV campground in Westport, Washington.
I think the beach is a forty minute walk away. I’ll be proving that later today as I attempt to walk to the beach and have a good long surf meditation before heading for the harbor to await my man’s return from the sea.
As its name indicates, Westport is a port or marina town and home to one of our favorite restaurants, Bennett’s Fish Shack. Will I eat crab cakes and sip wine whilst I await my husband’s return from his fishing trip? Perhaps. I’m struggling with my sobriety right now. I can offer up dozens of reasons, including some huge sweeping changes occurring in my life, but for reals, it’s that I’ve let alcohol get its gnarly, stinky foot in the door. And I’m licking its toes instead of crushing them and slamming the door.
The fact remains that I used to drink 360 days a year – five days off for severe hangovers. And not a glass of wine every night. No. It was a bottle at least. Or my favorite: one big ass martini and two glasses of wine.
Over the past year, I’ve drank maybe sixty days. An improvement from where I was, but hear me out…
I’ve researched and listened and read a plethora of health analysis’ on the effects of alcohol on our being. It is NOT good for human consumption.
MAYBE if you live in a blue zone and have a thimble of wine with meals AND you are eating homemade, organic, homegrown food in moderate amounts AND getting proper sleep AND being physically and mentally active AND having support from family and/or community. Then maybe you can fill your thimble a couple times a day with a locally made wine without negative health repercussions. Otherwise, no. Don’t tell me it’s good for you in moderation.
So you have to determine…if I drink X number of servings (and know what a serving is) of alcohol per week, am I ok that it will negatively effect my sleep, my organs, my cells, my brain and decrease my lifespan by X number of years. Is it worth it? The buzz or the social aspect or the taste or the habit. It very well may be worth it for some of us. Including myself. I’m not going to lie I’ve missed certain things about drinking.
And yes, the same can be said for sitting too much, or smoking, or stress, or eating sugar, mayonnaise and fast food.
Bottom line for me is this…I think I’m tinkering with alcohol moderation once again. And, as I’ve mentioned, there isn’t a medically recommended amount. So, I think we have to determine by our own side effects from drinking as well as what we can accept deep down in our souls as the potential risk to our lifespan.
For example, if I was going to live until 98 but instead will only live until 92 due to alcohol sipping and mayonnaise eating, then perhaps I’m ok with that. I love martinis and ranch dip more than six years of old age.
However, my side effects from more than one drink include the risk of: poor sleep, arguing with husband, lower energy throughout the day, haggard face and bad decision making. So it seems obvious that I need to limit my drinking to one a day.
And there my friends is the issue.
I rarely RARELY can have one drink. Bad decision making seems to rear its ugly head early on (OR was the bad decision to drink in the first place?) and more than one drink is had.
I sometimes blame a pushy waitress trying to sell more wine. Or my favorite game: oh you have 1/8th of an inch of liquid left in your glass, so I’ll get another to have while you can finish it. Oh now I’ve got some left in my glass? You should definitely order one more. And so on and so on.
Is my problem with alcohol simply because I’m an anxious overthinker? In other words, am I the problem? not addiction? Maybe both things. Alcohol is an addictive drug.
Total sobriety from drugs or alcohol is a superpower my friends, one that cannot be attained unless you truly want it and are willing to develop it. I don’t know if there is a happy middle ground for me. Otherwise, I may need to re-commit to abstaining. Straddling the fence is not a great place to live. We shall see.
A double-minded man is unstable in all his ways. (James 1:8)
The 21st Century Scullery Maid 